Another Epic Fail Of The National Conscience

No one ever saw it coming.  Yeah, right.  Not one politician, not one political operative, not one campaign fundraising operative, not one talk show pundit.   Not one person slinging insults, inviting insults, or whipping up a crowd with profanities while discussing the state of affairs in our country.  No one ever saw it coming – correction: the ones who ‘didn’t see it coming’ never thought that this carnage would land at their feet.  Again.  Never thought after other rampages and attacks by disaffected and disturbed citizens on our own soil that a new horror would play out that could be traced back, literally or figuratively, to their own actions.  After September 11, when Flight 77 hit the Pentagon and Flight 93 was taken down by heroic passengers before it could hit the Capitol, both frightened houses of Congress pledged to work together for the good of the country – at least until the 2004 election cycle.  Now in the wake of the horror of the attacks on Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and nineteen others, after two years of challenging the President’s citizenship by various groups of citizenry, after a congressional year of insults to President Obama and other elected officials, after a campaign cycle of the nastiest behavior from candidates and incumbents, after gleeful boasts of plans to undo the prior session’s legislative accomplishments, now Congress wants to have a dialogue across the aisles about rhetoric??  Scared for their own skins again.  Give us a break.

There is thought in Congress about increased awareness and security.  Awareness of the words that are unleashed is what has to be patrolled and monitored full-time, and that is the job of the ones uttering the words.  Law enforcement can’t do that job for the ones making the speeches and remarks.   Increased security vigilance won’t mean anything unless the hyping and sensationalizing of politics by the media ceases.  “Next at 11, stunning new details about…”  “We hope you’ll join us for the latest exclusive report about”.  Consistent high-quality reporting of the news has gone the way of 8-track and cassette tapes, replaced by hype and hysteria.  Journalism standards should not be equated with tabloid news or 'reality television', and unfortunately that is what happens when any and everybody is given a platform for which they are not trained or qualified.  Perhaps two months ago a young girl, maybe eleven years old at the most, was asked by a television news crew why she wanted to attend a book signing in Arizona (of all places), and she replied that she wanted to see the author ‘because she’s a great American’.  Dear precious child, great Americans don’t quit on their constituents because the rug covering missteps and/or misdeeds has been lifted up.  Great Americans don’t blame others for their ignorance on matters of foreign policy and for their lack of a reading list.  Great Americans don’t distort family values.  Great Americans don’t use family members to promote themselves while hiding in the background or in the audience.  Great Americans don’t suggest violence in politics with ‘misunderstood’ graphics and catch-phrases extolling firepower.  Great Americans don’t.

  

Today and forever, six families suffer the unimaginable consequences of selfish individuals who place no value on human lives except their own or those close to them, and who have fanned the flames of discord into a human pyre.  Media outlets everywhere are searching for that golden kernel of information that will let them broadcast the “real” story behind a young man’s rampage.   Will it bring back a judge that was regarded as fair, a congressional aide liked for his willingness to help the constituency that his boss served, a beloved church custodian, a homemaker who enjoyed volunteering at her church, a woman married to her high school sweetheart, and a little girl who was her brother’s best friend, had just won her first elected office and was interested in government?  No, no, no, no, no and no.   Will thirteen others including the congresswoman who serves her district regardless of her constituents’ affiliation be any less wounded or traumatized?  No. 

Responsibility for this tragedy should not be aimed solely at the talking heads and mouths that have the eyes and ears of the nation tuned into their every word.  What about agencies and authorities that had been alerted that a young man might have mental health issues?  What about those who saw signs that something wasn’t right?  Did no one in Tucson have a clue until a beautiful sunny Saturday morning when time stopped for six innocent people?  Does no one remember the other “national tragedies” that gripped us in the past two decades – Oklahoma City, Columbine, Virginia Tech, among others - and the warning signs that were talked about after the fact?   No more not speaking out in the community when there is an possibility or indication of mental illness.  No more not wanting to get involved until it’s too late. 

Going forward we have to do better, as a nation and as individuals.  Stand up for right in our neighborhoods, schools, houses of worship.  Talk and discuss issues, ideas and policies instead of hurling curses and accusations around without a backward glance.  Talk and disagree if we must in civil decibels, with respect for the other side and for ourselves.  Talk and agree to work together on compromise or new solutions if compromise is not going to happen.  Stand up for ideals and beliefs without trashing the opponent or the other side.  Stand up for the rights of all Americans regardless of income or status to be a part of the dialogue and to be represented by the ones who are elected to serve.  Stand up for democracy for all, not just for the deepest pockets.   No more pretending not to see or attempting to justify away responsibility for the trainwreck that has come to be known as politics as usual.  Conduct yourselves as befits the office and the position that you hold in Congress, without profanity or disrespect on the floor of your employers, the people of the United States.  

The Washington Post makes a good point: “…Politicians in both parties have said this is not a time for one side to try to score political points against the other over who bears responsibility for these conditions, though there is plenty of finger-pointing in the blogosphere and on Twitter. The reality is everyone bears some responsibility, from politicians to political operatives to the media to ordinary Americans….” 

America, just. do. better. 

  

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Celebrating The Sum Total Of My Parts

This week I noticed that my upper arms are getting saggy – not flabby because they have always been small, but now they are small and jiggly.  That’s okay, because I can raise my arms to hug someone, to hold a little one or just to give praise.   Lifting weights will take care of the jiggle.   

One day I stubbed my toes and made my already swollen feet ache just that much more.  But the pain was in feet that move and fit into shoes that protect them, so it was not such a big deal. 

Chipped fingernails reminded me of the missed mani-pedi, but I remembered the people of Congo and Sudan who endure mutilation of their hands and arms, and a missed manicure was not so important. 

My thighs and waist don’t seem to remember that they should weigh less, but my legs are strong enough to hold me up and to take me anywhere that I decide to go so that can include going to work off the pounds, which seems like a fair trade.  

My hair has decided to turn gray in a disorganized manner, but I thought of my grandmother and my great-aunts and how their gray hair framed their faces filled with love every day that I saw them, and it isn’t an issue anymore. 

The doctor told me that my heart and my rash were aggravated by stress and anxiety, so after he fixed my heart in 2009 I decided that stress had to go live somewhere else and I took control of the things that had me twisted around.   They are not problems – they are opportunities to do different and do better.  All gone?   No - but I refuse to be overwhelmed and under-responsive.  

There was a woman staring at me in the mirror and I wondered where she came from.  She looked back and told me that she was the traveler on my journey of life, and she recalled seeing me along the paths that she had taken.  She does looks somewhat familiar; perhaps we’ll compare itineraries.

So my jiggles and stumbles and cracks and excess and grey patches and trauma are not causing me to feel uncertain about what lies ahead.  Instead, they make me thankful that I have come this far by the grace of God.  Thankful that I have another day to be and do what I was not and did not do the day before.  Thankful that I have a loving mother who makes me smile and laugh daily, and family by blood and by the bonds of friendship that are as strong as any DNA.  Thankful that I live in a time and in a country where what was declared impossible can now be declared achievable, in a time where the goodness of humankind still triumphs in moments of great need and adversity.  Thankful to have another year of life behind me, and to look forward to the years ahead.   

Even with a Nor’easter bearing down on the East Coast today, reminding of the stormy night before my mother delivered me, there is so much to be thankful for.  

And I wish that each of you have occasions and reasons to be thankful for yourselves.                                                      
                                                                                                                                                                                      
   

Happy Birthdays!! 

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Three Thousand Two Hundred Eighty-Five Days Later

Nine years ago, time froze while we tried to absorb what the eyes were seeing and the ears were hearing.  So much for the brain to process at one time.  The day that we never really expected to have to live through in our homeland.  Nine years later, we are still trying to adjust to living beyond that day, and we’re not putting forth a good effort as a nation.  Tragedy and death should never become opportunities for opportunists – political, racial, or financial – of any kind or ilk.  The rawness of this tragedy has been trampled on by so many people for their hateful and selfish purposes.  

The dialogue about the proposed center near Ground Zero has fuel more argument and bashing than discussion.  I expressed my feelings about the center over the past six weeks and have been saddened by the harshness and nastiness of some responses, empowered (I think) by the anonymity of the internet.  I know that some people will seize any chance to try to win a point with rude and bombastic staging, but social media has given people a false sense of power, or maybe for some people it is the only sense of power that they have to say whatever they want.  Whatever their reasoning, it’s not a good look.  You may feel that enough time has passed and that the constitutional and legal right to build such a center is what matters.  Others of us are not ready now for such – maybe later, and for some there will never be a time when they are ready.  We should all respect each other’s feelings without turning discussions into slugfests.  And no matter which side of the discussion you fall on, the safety of our troops and civilians overseas should never be jeopardized by self-promoting racists here at home (with the help of some media platforms and outlets).   The idea of burning any book of worship is reprehensible.  None of us is perfect, but no good can come of desecrating God’s Word, through flame or any other sin that you choose to commit. 

While we are caught up in the drama of the vitriol and the rhetoric, life is still going on.  There are people who observe their birthdays today with a pause to remember.  Tomorrow is National Grandparents Day, a good excuse for lots of hugs and kisses, flowers, cake and ice cream. This is Pediatric Cancer Month, a good time to buy a cup of lemonade to help look for a cure.  Take a stand for cancer research.   Support our troops and our veterans.  Create an idea to strengthen your neighborhood, or vote for someone else’s idea. 

We can’t change that day or bring back any of the lost, but we can honor their memories and sacrifices by working together to make our nation stronger.  Whatever you choose, make it positive, something good to help our country to heal and move forward.  I want my hero to know that we will never forget.  God bless the USA.

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Getting Ready For The Houseguest You Never Want

--September 3, 2010 

The sweetest words from my mother this week were “They said we dodged a bullet.”  She said that when we talked Friday afternoon, as eyes were trained on the Eastern seaboard and Hurricane Earl.  We had been through the preparations earlier in the week for the storm, leading up to the twelve hour window this afternoon until shortly after midnight.  On Monday she was sewing for one of her friends, but on Tuesday she got busy.  Pull out emergency kit with battery powered radio (and batteries) - check, purchase extra bottled water, canned and dry food - check, prescriptions ordered and picked up - check, emergency plan reading online - check, and lastly on Thursday, returning patio furniture to the basement – check. 

We had reviewed what to do if the hurricane or tropical storm winds hit the house at night (get in the closet and close the door), and the designated evacuation centers in our town.  I am sure that I got on my mother’s nerves with the calls and e-mails and quasi-lectures (that I tried to make sound like I wasn’t worried), and she responded with patience and calm for the most part.  If you have aging parents whom you don’t see every day or live near, you have an idea of the switching of roles that takes place as events and situations occur, and you are trying to manage for them without running over them.   Yes, she would listen to the updates on the news, and she would evacuate without hesitation if one was ordered.  No, she did not need assistance from the first responders to evacuate – let them go help someone else.  She kept any anxiety that she was feeling from me, only saying that whatever was meant to happen would happen (but she hoped the roof wouldn’t get damaged).  She checked on all of her friends and they compared readiness notes.  All but one was proactive in getting ready, but the stage manager (yours truly) made provision for evacuation if needed. 

Once her choir rehearsal was over on Thursday night, the waiting began.  As the winds lessened and the National Hurricane Service  announced a downgrade, my breathing got easier while my mom tried to rest.  Daylight came; my ‘trainer’ had to be walked after I checked the weather reports.  On our first call of the morning, she announced that she was watching the rain through the window over the kitchen sink as she washed dishes.  Life does have to go on while one waits!  My social media network checked in with updates on their loved ones (all well) who lived in the first affected areas, and continued prayers and good wishes for all in the projected path of the hurricane.  The news reports throughout the morning looked promising, and then in the afternoon my mom repeated that beautiful phrase that she had heard on the newscast about dodging a bullet.  Thank God, and exhale.  


She called again at 6 p.m. to say that she was going to bed.  A week of anticipation and probably quiet anxiety over the first hurricane in nineteen years had robbed a girl of some peaceful sleep, and she was determined not to lose any more!  We gave thanks and then said goodnight.  She slept, and I thought about how on this five year remembrance of Hurricane Katrina my mother could have become a part of a story like the one that she avidly followed in 2005, expressing outrage and shock at the lack of preparation and response in the Gulf.  This outcome is markedly different because of good preparation and planning on the parts of citizens and government and also the incredible and divine timing of the mass of cold air that helped to take the steam out of Earl’s engine.   While we have been caught in the grip of this weather emergency, we witnessed the rig explosion in the Gulf of Mexico and the 7.0 earthquake in New Zealand, and we pray for all. 

We are still in hurricane season until the end of October, and there will be more seasons and more preparations will have to be made (please not this season).  There are a number of things that can be done in advance to make it easier to get ready to leave, especially for elderly residents.  

Documents: scan and create PDF files on flash drive; photocopy papers, place in waterproof bags (you can buy boxes of ziplock bags in dollar stores)

Register with local senior services department for notification and evacuation (if available) or with local law enforcement/responders

Prepare list with Emergency contact information  

Prepare List of medication names and dosages

Help write an Emergency plan

Create an emergency kit, or help to purchase/order a kit

Photographs of valuables; print or burn to CD-ROM for safekeeping away from residence (part of the emergency plan)

Text messaging lessons; when landlines go down and wireless lines are overloaded, text messages can be the most effective and fastest way to communicate, and it keeps the phone lines free for emergency use. 

I am so thankful that we have had the reverse mother-daughter ‘discussions’ about emergency preparation. My mother might or might not secretly delight in my take-charge attitude in preparing her to function on her own if she has to with new technology (that’s another blog about bribing her to read text messages and then teaching her to send them).  She has gone from fearing the computer and despising the cellphone to using her Bluetooth every once in a while, surfing the internet and creating some of her own documents.  She has taken several computer classes and signs her e-mails and faxes “Your computer nerd mother”.   While it’s a new and sometimes trying adventure for her, it is a measure of peace of mind for me.  I love and salute her courage and willingness to embrace new challenges, as well as those of her generation around the world who are keeping up with their loved ones and making new friends.  Next up on our technology agenda is Skype so she’ll be ready to give first-hand reports and interviews to the press, and then we’ll work on growing her friend list on Facebook!

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Things I've Learned About Life And Race As An American (Before the NAACP - Tea Party dust-up)

~ None of us had a vote in choosing the parents that conceived us or the families that we were born into.

~ None of us arrived with knowledge and experience, but had to acquire them from everyday life.

~ Studying your own history, culture and heritage is not selfish.     

~ Positively supporting your own culture or heritage is not unpatriotic or treacherous or treasonous.

~ Studying other histories, cultures and heritage is not a burden; you may not become an expert but you won't remain clueless, either.

~ Education is a precious privilege that in America is granted from birth, and public school or private, I have an opportunity that does not exist everywhere in the world.

~ Life events can bring great trials and heartache at the hands of others, but also great comfort and support at the hands of others.

~ Ignoring a wrong to someone that doesn't look like me doesn't prevent that wrong or another wrong from happening to me; would I want to be ignored?

~ It is more effective to have a conversation about problems and wrongs than a deafening screaming match.

~ If I choose to isolate myself from other people of other cultures and heritages, I have chosen to build my own tower of ignorance.    

~ None of our skin colors rub off, taint the chairs or poison the swimming pools.

~ It's okay to ask questions about another race or ethnicity - how else will you learn the answer?                

                                              

~ Each of us has made mistakes along the road of life. Learning from those mistakes should be celebrated and not held against us.  

                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                               

~ My cheese can get moved:                                                                                                  whether career, home, economics or politics - and yours can,too.    

~ I would rather learn to live in an era of change than to die in an era of stagnation and hatred.

                                                                                   

~ I don't choose my friends because of skin color, eye color, hair texture or ethnicity. I chose you because you have ideas, ideals and values that I have grown to respect, and because you bring something unique to the journey called life.
                                                                                                                                    

~ Sometimes the fifteen minutes of fame, the microphone and the television camera are focused on the wrong people. That does not diminish the rest of us. 

~ Every morning in kindergarten we recited The Golden Rule: 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'    

~ 'Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.'                          -- Eleanor Roosevelt

~ "The measure of a man is what he does with power."
--Pittacus, one of the Seven Sages of Greece

~ Character is who you are and what you do when you think no one is watching or will ever find out.  It is who you are "in the dark". It is not who others think you are, but who you know you really are.
--David West, Inside Out Leadership Development, LLC

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From Decision To Action

Dateline: Los Angeles – July 8, 2010 

It’s been quite a day.  News of Russian spies being convicted and deported as part of a swap.  News that a mother in Iran will not be stoned to death (nothing about her life being spared, just that she won’t be stoned).  News that a police officer was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter, after ‘accidentally’ drawing his revolver instead of his taser gun and shooting a downed and restrained man.  News that an accused serial killer will be arraigned next month.  Oil is still leaking in the Gulf of Mexico. Our troops are still in Iraq and Afghanistan. Two million people are still without unemployment benefits. Cities and states are still fiscally fragile.  Comprehensive immigration legislation and enforcement is still a hot topic.  

And then we have ‘The Decision’.  It is true that some good did come from the much-hyped announcement: five hundred thousand dollars in addition to untold advertising dollars going to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, along with five college scholarships for deserving students.  So after a week of suspense, following months of rampant speculation and guessing (and my guess was in the hunt but ultimately wrong), tonight we know that royal hoop hype is moving into South Beach.  No disrespect to the players and teams involved, but that speaks to the attention paid to this one announcement.  

The communications universe was ablaze today, as it has been all week, in anticipation of the announcement.  Local television and radio, network television and radio, cable television, satellite television and radio, social media sites, websites, newspapers and magazines were all prophesying and punditizing.  Who had the real inside scoop? What’s next? What does it all mean???  

Checking in *ahem* occasionally with my social media friends, it brought to mind last year’s running commentary during a high-gloss memorial service for another King.  There were posts and tweets and texts and messages about everything from the old-school memories to the hats and accessories, and all in between.  When it was over, there were some friendships begun that have been strengthened since then with many a deep and meaningful discussion about the world we live in, and have since grown to include even more friends.  Today one of those friends posted a thought about the collective number of social media citizens in comparison to the UN, and that gave rise to this not original thought: how do we utilize the minds and talents of the social media universe from our respective patches of earth to be the change that we want to see? 

We can’t all go to Washington or to city hall or to the state house, but we can take a crack at doing what our representatives (whom we elect to work for us) are charged to do: make recommendations and decisions after research and study, based on the needs and to benefit the collective good of the people (not the select few).  We have enough tools to cyber-meet and talk  and craft policies and documents that we can submit to our representatives.  We can set our calendars, conference calls and meetings from the comfort of wherever we want to meet (Sweet Tea or iced coffee in hand). We can strategize and then publicize our goals and positions instantly, and be available to promote those ideas around the clock and around the globe.  WE can be the change that we want to see.  Is anyone ready to ride? 

And on a more serious note, may cooler heads and hearts prevail tonight and tomorrow(s) in Iran, Oakland, CA and Cleveland, OH.










                                                                                                                                                                          
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Father's Day 2010

 A Father:

Knows that “Spit don’t make babies”

Knows that making a baby is never the same as being a parent;                                                                              one is an unprotected event – the other is an investment in protecting and nurturing

Talks to God before the child is born, and every day afterward

Knows that reality TV shows are not where you determine or dispute being the father

Knows they must teach and use valuable words with their children:                                                                       please, thank you, share, excuse me, I apologize, I love you

Knows that how you speak to and about others plays a significant role in how your children do the same

Knows that how you speak to and about others may determine how your children expect and allow others to speak to them

Teaches his children that policemen and policewomen, firemen and firewomen and military personnel are also moms and dads

Understands that the school system and teachers are not responsible for raising the child – they are responsible for providing educational and civic tools that will be reviewed and sharpened at home

Knows that bling will never be greater than or equal to brains

Knows that saggy trousers/shorts, tight tops, tight pants and short skirts expose more than underwear

Explains and lives the terms character and integrity

Follows his parental intuition at the moment instead of lamenting how ‘he knew it’ later

Knows that the moneymaker is above the neck and not below it, and makes sure that his children understand that as well

Knows that a child needs more than guest appearances from a father who does not live in the home

Goes to great lengths to make sure that the child understands that whatever happened between dad and mom is not the child’s fault if mom and dad are not together

Recognizes that blending a family requires extra doses of patience, love and caring, and doesn’t push his way into the father role but lives the role instead

Asks for help when needed, and steps up to help when needed

Gives mommy a break and cleans up whatever mess gets made before she gets back

Finds the monster under the bed, sends the boogeyman away, knows                                                                               the Itsy Bitsy Spider, Barney, Yo Gabba Gabba and Elmo

Finds the answer to “Why is?”

Cooks breakfast, lunch and dinner not just when he has to

Learns to comb his daughter’s hair

Tosses the softball and attends the tea parties

Knows that his lap is a good place for learning to read: ABCs, Dr. Seuss, the Bible

Finds the adventure with his children in going to the local park or a theme park

Explains the difference between actions and consequences, before AND after – that dog will not walk itself or ‘hold it’ until the favorite show is over

Remembers the classmate without a dad and makes room for one more

Is familiar with technology because that’s good looking out for the child, who doesn’t understand that everyone on the internet is not a friend

Knows the teachers, attends parent conferences and serves as class parent when he can

Will delete the word ‘quit’ from the dictionary and vocabulary

Coaches without favoritism, or cheers from the sidelines without being an embarrassment

Gives his sons and daughters the one-on-one time they need with him

Knows his child’s friends and their parents

Knows that admiration for an athlete or a celebrity should not be confused with choosing a role model, and explains why to his children

Can’t find the handkerchief fast enough when the child tells everyone why they love their dad, and is okay with watery eyes and trembling lips

Knows that if he missed any parts of his child’s life, a relationship can’t go backwards but can be built going forward

Fathers, just like mothers, are God’s special gifts, whether Daddy, Pop, Papa, Father, Dad, Grandpa, Uncle, Cousin, Stepfather, Mom holding down two roles, or other angels filling in to raise the village.  

We praise God for you, and we love you. 

                                                                                                                                                                            
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